She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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