You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
