Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
