Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
