remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
