i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
