i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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