i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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