dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
