things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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