i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
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is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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