I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
