The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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