i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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