Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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