I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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