if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
