When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize