you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
