Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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