I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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