At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
