20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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