Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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