Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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