This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
