I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
