i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
