If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I got her a Nickelback box set.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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