Only a mothe r could love this liver
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
