so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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