This is not my ceiling
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
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It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
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IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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