if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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