I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
