some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
