ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
