He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
