Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
