I could make wine with my vomit
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
