Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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