i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
