I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
