i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
