is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
