I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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