Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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