I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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