how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
