Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
