My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Two words: nipple clamps
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