Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
