just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
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On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
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SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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