Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
