I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
