took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
