my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My penis needs a shock collar
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
