some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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