jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
