garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
