there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
