He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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