I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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