His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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