it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
