So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
