At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
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