i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
