Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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