I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
