She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
two words: eviction party
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
