so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So much rum. So many feels.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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