i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
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I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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