I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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