So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
