oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
