2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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