I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
