My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
just tell him i said nine months
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
