wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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