So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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