I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
