Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
